SIX HOT CHICKS IN A WAREHOUSE * UK 2017 Dir: Simon P. Edwards. 94 mins
They might be six hot chicks trapped in a warehouse as victims of a crazed filmmaker, but there isn’t much fire in this one I’m afraid. I found myself singing “Five Green Bottles” in my head towards the lamentable and poor ending as this offering degenerates into a mess as the six become three with drug crazed and troubled Adrian becoming the last green bottle to be smashed.
In fact the flames aren’t even fanned in a lacklustre effort at thriller comedy suspense, see I can’t even categorise this one it’s that poor I’m afraid. With no real pace, action or hilarity this one gave me very little to cling onto as a viewer. This film sadly demonstrates our woeful lack of interest and investment in the creative industry which needs to change if we want to get anywhere near the USA. So come on you brilliant Brits! Relax a little bit, let yourselves chill and have some FUN!!!! The film is so on edge and nervous that it develops a disturbing psychological slant that never really gets going or is set free. The British filmmaker and audience need to stop trying to make a social statement and lecture out of everything and remember that movies are for enjoyment and a willing suspension of disbelief goes a long way, which is about the size of the gulf between the US and UK independent movie scenes. OK, the level of investment may be higher in America but not much more and they certainly achieve more just through better imagination and action-packed thrills. This British offering will prove my point if you decide to watch. We only really get details on three characters in quite a large cast which is a weak point. Rebellious teen Mira (Jessica Messenger), her estranged ‘boyfriend’ and psycho filmmaker Adrian (Oliver Malam) and her weird stepdad Liam (Max Rudd). The other characters are incidental and offer little in the way of help to a film that had potential with a good rock opening and then offers little in the way of entertainment. The acting is average and the dialogue rather weak in a film that is set on an open and dreary industrial estate rather than a closed set where imagination can run free and create entertainment as is often done so well on the US independent movie scene.
There are too many slowmo shots and misplaced rock tunes that hinder this one I’m afraid and it was more like watching a pilot for Taggart meets Minder with the Sweeney far off the trail! The title is poor and would have had more effect as just ‘The Photoshoot’ as 6 hot and unbelievably stupid chicks are caged and comically become three in a mess of a story that sees the unobservant, dull and dumbass Adrian meet a pretty mediocre end with any attempts at fitting gore rendered invalid by a story that gives little pleasure. The constant escaping and unbelievable gun scenes really screw it up as a legitimate independent UK offering as the film tries too hard at times to tell a dark crime story. I was waiting for the Flying Squad to crash in at any moment and end the torture!
Little humour, no fun, no scares. Weak effort. And there was no point in the tiny epilogue. As Adrian declared, “Time to wrap this up!” (weak attempt at black comedy in the film), the UK needs to take this advice and try a little harder on the independent movie scene and show more creative and imaginative flair that actually works. If you like reality TV, drama-docs and soaps then you will buy this, but it ain’t on my shopping list folks. Sorry.
Review by Nathan Sandiford