VAMPYRES * Spain 2015 Dir: Victor Matellano. 82 mins
The late Jose Larraz gets a co-writing credit (and a credits dedication) on this excruciatingly flat contemporary remake of his own evocative early 70’s erotic shocker. He will presumably haunt everyone involved, particularly those responsible for the shite soft-rock soundtrack selections. God-fearing middle-aged chap and three very dull hikers roam around a picturesque, woodsy community renowned for missing persons, with Caroline Munro’s hotelier – channelling Maria Ouspenskaya – warning about the dangers of going out after dark.
He’s sucked in, and sucked off, by a voluptuous (read: fake) black-caped brunette played by an actress who presumably got the role because even Eileen Daly said no. Top billed but contributing an extended cameo, Munro cannot escape the Stilted Acting curse that afflicts the rest of the cast, delivering her dialogue with…strange…pauses…maybe…for…dramatic…effect. The movie rehashes the gruesome feeding frenzy of the original and throws in face-chewing gore, but fails to even begin to recapture Larraz’s eerie, sensual ambience, and drowns in drab, unerotic sex scenes that mistake bare boobs for eroticism. A ponderous waste of time that feels like a tacky late-90’s straight to video U.S. “erotic horror”.
Review by Steven West